Total Drama Island: Redux
by Dr. Brooklyn
Summary: A retelling of Total Drama Island, told by Dr. Brooklyn  Total Drama Prep, total Drama House . The characters have changed, and the challenges are new, so tune in to find out what happens on this all different all new Total Drama Island
1. In the Beginning

_Hi Guy, Dr. B here. So I hope you guys read this series even though I'm going to take more liberties with the characters than I have up to this point. Please comment along the way about what you like and dislike, becuase until I post the chapters, I can change stuff around. _

_~ Dr. Brooklyn_

1.

"Hmmmm..." Chris McLean looked around the campsite, "I don't know if this place is skeevy enough, you know?"

"You're looking for a 'Nam and this is a Grenada?" Chef Hatchet said walking over from the mess hall.

"Sure..." Chris rolled his eyes, "Have you ever actually been in combat?"

"Not according to the government," Chef smiled.

"So... are you actually even a chef?"

"I've made a meal or two before," Chef said kicking a can across the campfire area, "Of course they were in foxholes outside of Hanoi."

"But there weren't any land ops outside of Hanoi," Chris stopped walking, "And besides Canada had no troops in Asia during the Vietnam War."

"When did I say I was there DURING the war?" Chef laughed as he walked down the dock, "I kind of like this place... it's... homey."

"I like it because it seems like Jason is about to pop out of the lake," Chris grinned evilly, rubbing his hands together, "It reeks of slime, horror, dare I say DRAMA!"

"How did I know you were going to say some stupid shit like that?"

"1) That was not stupid, and 2) here's your list of campers to round up... I'll see you one week from now in Meskoka."

_**TDI**_

"Remember, VOTE COURTNEY!" A sweater wearing Prep said from behind the table set up at the southern exit of Lakeshore Prep.

"A Little early to be campainging, don't you think?" Chris said as he walked up and leaned on the table.

"Politics never sleeps," Courtney smiled, "Aren't you a little old to be in High School?"

"What gave it away... my stubble?"

"No guys who can't grow beards are all too common in high school."

"Ouch," Chris laughed, "You seriously don't recognize me?"

"N... OH MY GOSH! YOU'RE CHRIS MCLEAN!"

"Yup," Chris stood up, "So I guess you know what this means..."

_**TDI**_

"This is a little song I wrote called 'I'm sad, so very, very sad.'" Trent strummed his guitar, "And it goes out to Crystal... who broke my heart into a million pieces. 'I'm sa-"

Chef, who had just walked up to the circle of girls listening to Trent, grabbed the guitar and smashed it on the ground, "!"

"You Trent?"

"Y-y-y-yes." Trent sobbed, picking up the neck of his guitar.

"Then you've been selected for Total Drama Island... hoo-fucking-ray for you." Chef said grabbing Trent's shirt and pulling him up, "Take the lead out, we've got places to be."

_**TDI**_

"DAD!" Ezekiel moaned, "I've been chopping wood ALL DAY!"

"That's what you get for participating in that foul idle time activity, eh."

"But, Dad, there's no girls for 20 miles! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!"

"EZEKIEL! EZEKIEL, JR! GET YOUR FANNIES INTO THE HOUSE NOW!" The two Ezekiels put their axes down and made their way towards the house.

"Gentlemen," Chris smiled from the table, putting down his glass of milk, "Excellent Milk, ma'am. Anyways, Ezekiel, we got your video... and out of the 1000s that applied... well, how would you like to come with me and got to the best summer camp you've ever been to?"

_**TDI**_

"And that's when I said 'Lvl. 4 Paladin? More like Lvl 3. Avenger! Am I right?'" Harold and his DnD friends all began to snicker when Chef walked down the stairs.

"Which one of you is... Harold?"

"There is no Harold," Harold said from the end of the table, "Only Zhuul!"

"Fine," Chef said, "I'm looking for some one with freckles, glasses, acne, and their virginity."

"That's all of us," Todd said.

"Fine," Chef grabbed a picture, "You in the lame pointy hat."

"Again, all of us."

"You're coming with Me!" Chef grabbed Harold, through him over his shoulder and stormed out of the basement, "Fucking nerds."

_**TDI**_

"It's about time you showed up, McLean!" Heather said storming down the driveway.

"Aren't I supposed to have a cool expository sit down with you?"

"Nope," Heather said climbing into the van, pausing only to flip off her house, "Just drive."

_**TDI**_

"So... who are you?" An angry punk said from behind the glass.

"McLean, Chris McLean."

"Do I know you?"

"Nope, but you know of me."

"I think you give yourself too much credit."

"I'm an actor."

"I prefer movies with Clint Eastwood."

"I'm here to get you out."

"What?"

"Yeah, me and the Warden of this fine Juvenile hall have come to an agreement. You get out if you're on my show. You're parents AND your future P.O. signed off on it."

"You got Scagnetti to agree to that?"

"Yup, so you in?"

"Nope," Duncan leaned back in his chair, "Maybe I like it here."

"Fine," Chris stood up, "Oh, and happy 18th."

"What?" Duncan slammed his chair forward.

"You turned 18 on Monday, remember? Yeah, that means you'll get to carry out the rest of your term at big boy jail." Chris smiled, his back to Duncan.

"When do we leave?"

_**TDI**_

"I'm on what show?" Lindsey said brushing her hair.

"Total Drama Island," Chef said, putting his face in his palm again.

"What's it about?"

"An island... and there's drama on it."

"Sounds good, what time is it on, I'd totally watch that show."

"You're not going to watch it... you're going to be ON IT!"

"No, I think I'd know if I was on a TV show."

"JUST GET IN THE DAMN VAN!"

_**TDI**_

Chris made his way through the club, pushing aside the sweaty adolescents, reaching a girl shaking everything she had and then some.

"You Leshawna?"

"What gave it away, shug?" Leshawna said 'moonwalking' towards the terrified host, "My awesome dance moves?"

"Do you have any awesome dance moves? Or are you saving them for a rainy day?"

"Fuh-ny," Leshawna said turning to face Chris, "Wait, your the string bean from those lame zombie sports movies."

"No, I'm the string bean from the AWESOME zombie sports movies," Chris said, "But of more import, I'm the string bean from Total Drama Island, and we've been looking for some one with your... special talent set, care to talk more outside of this obnoxious place?"

_**TDI**_

"Wait... you're twins?"

"In spirit!" Katie declared with pride

"And in soul!" Sadie added.

"But," Chef said, scratching his shaved head, "You aren't even related."

"No," Sadie smiled.

"But we're pretty much the same person!" Katie smiled as well.

"I was going to say that!" Sadie turned to face Katie.

"Because we're the same person!" Katie shrieked "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"So I'm here to inform the two of you that you've been chosen for TDI," Chef murmured, "God help us all."

_**TDI**_

"My final poem is called "My soul," 'The night sees my soul, and views it as light, My soul sees the ocean, and calls it shallow, the dead see my soul, and they feel alive, my eyes see my soul... and they. start. to. cry." Gwen bowed her head to snaps from the crowd.

"That may have been the most depressing thing I've ever heard," Chris said from his second row seat.

"Thank you," Gwen smiled and brushed her hair out of her eyes, "That's exactly what I was going for."

"Can I speak with you in private?" Chris said walking to the stairs where Gwen was descending.

"Sure," Gwen pointed to a booth in the back, "there's a spot over there"

"So, Gwen, that was a... poem" Chris said sitting down, "Have you considered anything in the reality TV industry?"

"That's a strange getting to know you question," Gwen said resting her head in her palms, "Isn't it?"

"Well..." Chris stopped, realizing the implications of her posture, "Oh no, I'm not here for THAT, I'm here because of your video for Total Drama Island."

"Oh, you got that?" Gwen laughed, sitting up more formally, "That was kind of to be ironic... you see my friends-"

"Well, you're on the show if you want to be."

"How soon can we go?"

_**TDI**_

"Yeah, the girl you're looking for is in cell 1138," The Doctor said, "She's here for DID, and arson."

"Really?" Chef smiled, "Reminds me of Sasquatch Jones from 'Nam."

"Yeah, but for an 18 year old to refer to herself as three different people and try to set fire to a moose, that's a little bit more of a problem," The Doctor grabbed his keys, "I'm just surprised we're even letting her out."

"Hello, Christopher," Izzy said from the back corner of here room.

"Um, My names Chef."

"What? Chris didn't even come himself?" Izzy stood up angrily, "'Explosivo will end him.' 'Not yet, Explosivo.' Let's get going, Chad!"

_**TDI**_

"Hey there Bridgette," Chris said walking down the studio hallway, "How's the biz treating you?"

"Like Howard Beale," Bridgette said brushing her hair, "It seems like only yesterday I was surfing with my cousin Emma at Surfer's Paradise, then me and Geoff were the new Bogey and Bacall, and now the shows bottomed out since he left."

"Bummerville," Chris said sitting down in her dressing room, "But I have seen you're out with a new beau... BJ?"

"DJ," Bridgette said, "It was a classic case of bodyguard turned boyfriend."

"Cute," Chris started playing with her Gemini award, "So..."

"You came about that new show of yours didn't you?"

"It's the first season, baby doll!" Chris said walking over to her, "A bunch of nobodies? But a few celebs, especially the famous, and best looking half of BridGeoff? That's ratings gold!"

"Fine," Bridgette, spun in her chair to face Chris, "I'll be on it, if DJ comes too."

"Yeah, I figured that would be an ultimatum," Chris started walking to the door, "A van will come by to pick the two of you up in an hour."

_**TDI**_

"HEY!" an angry movie store patron said slamming the DVD on the counter, "You said 'One for the Flipper' was good! AND THIS WAS SHITE!"

"I liked it, bro," Geoff said looking up from the return bin he was emptying, "You asked MY opinion of it."

"Yeah, and your opinion ain't SHIT! And to think, you used to be BIG." The patron stormed out.

"Bastard," Geoff whispered before yelling after the man, "I AM BIG! IT'S THE PICTURES THAT GOT SMALL!"

"And how's that being big thing working out for ya, Captain Hollywood?" Chef said putting Heartbreak Ridge on the counter.

"I work for a fat slob who listens to The Clash all day... and that job is minimum wage at a video store," Geoff's shoulders slumped, "I'm suprised anyone recognizes me with out... Bridgette!" Geoff began crying.

"I didn't want the whole Damn story," Chef said, "But, I got your video... pathetic attempt at Herbert West-ing your career... and me and Chris couldn't say no to that." Chef grinned as Geoff began to smile.

"WOOOHOOO!"

_**TDI**_

"8th rule of Food club, if this is your first night... you have to bite," A charming man said from the center of a dark basement.

"It's my first night," Chris said stepping forward, "Who dares eat against me?"

"How about the O-Bomination?" The man smiled and motioned to a hulking blonde boy who stepped forward.

"OH YEAH!" Owen ran over and hugged Chris, "IT IS AN HONOR! NO A PRIVILEGE! No, is an honor more than a privilege? IT'S AN HONAVALEGE! TO EAT AGAINST YOU MR. MCLEAN!"

"Easy there Big Guy," Chris said, well, more of a gasp, "I don't actually want to eat, I want to talk to you about Total Drama ISLAND!"

_**TDI**_

"What the hell is this place?" Chef said walking into the dressing room of Mr. Lemieux's Haus of Fashion.

"Only the haus of the greatest model in Canada," Mr. Lemieux said as he walked Chef over to Justin, "Justin!"

"You called?" Justin turned around and winked.

"I think I've just felt love for the first time," Chef said, "In your eyes, I am complete!"

"Yeah, I get that a lot!" Justin laughed, "The b-ladies love me!"

"And I think our viewers will too," Chef said, "We got your audition tape, and... your on the show."

"Excellent," Justin winked.

_**TDI**_

"And the winner of Quiz Night in Canada, for the 28th straight week is the Trivial Pursuer from Toronto! NOOOOOOAAAAHHHH!" The crowd cheered as Noah bowed and walked off stage, only to meet Chris McLean.

"Move simpleton," Noah said, "I have the Firefly boxed set waiting in my dressing room, and I intend to watch it."

"What if you had a more pressing engagement?"

"Unless it's meeting Emilie-Claire Barlow," Noah scoffed, "I doubt it's more pressing."

"How about a chance to win $1 million?"

"Now you're speaking directly to my heart."

_**TDI**_

"What's the matter, pussy?" Chef said sitting down next to a sobbing Tyler.

"The Canadiens said I was no good!" Tyler sobbed, "I waited and waited until I turned 18 so I could audition, and they laughed at me!"

"With good reason," Chef said putting his hand on the crying boys shoulder, "You're not Rocket."

"I know, but..." Tyler whimpered, "I wanted it... so bad!"

"How would getting a chance to win $1 Million make you feel?"

"A bit better."

"Come on, we've got a plane to catch."

_**TDI**_

"And in the red corner," The MMA announcer declared from the center of the octagon, "The Alberta Abomination, The Brawler from 'Berta, EEEEEVVVVAAAAA!"

Two fighters, one of whom had lured Chris McLean to the gladiatorial, walked to the center of the octagon, tapped gloves and began fighting, well... Eva started fighting. Landing a quick gut shot Eva knocked her for backwards, allowing the savage girl to leap forward and drop her opponent into a crucifix.

"And this fights over," Chris said getting up and walking over to Eva's corner.

"And winner by TKO, EVA!" Eva waved to the crowd before leaving the ring.

"What do you want dick face?"

"Remember how you sent a video to TDI?"

"Yup," Eva sucked down some Powerade, "I'm trying to get my name out."

"Well, as fate would have it, I'm the dickface who hosts the show," Chris said as Eva spat out her Powerade in shock, "And I'm the dickface who picked you to be on it."

_**TDI**_

"Yes, sir," Cody said shoulder shrugging,"Yes I understand you don't want the "Artsy shit" you just want regular photos."

"Damn right I don't, nobody cares about the angle or lighting that the monkey in the funny hat is caught with, they just want the monkey in the funny hat. Same thing goes for people, just catch them, don't stage a shot with lighting and all that-" a buzzer rang on Mr. Klein's desk, "Monroe here."

"Sir, it's... It's someone for Cody."

"Cody?" Klein looked from the p.a. to the photographer, "Cody, do you know who wants you?"

"National Geographic?"

"Probably not," Klein smiled as he lit a cigar, "Get out of my office and figure this shit out."

"Yes sir," Cody said walking out. Klein took a few puffs before hearing a loud scream of joy and the door swing open, "Sir," Cody said beaming, "I'm about to say something I've wanted to say since I started this whole 'peter parker' gig. Go fuck yourself!" Cody slammed the door and turned to face Chef, "Let's go before he comes out here and kills me."

_**TDI**_

"Hello sir," Beth beamed from behind the counter, "How may I lemonify your day?"

"BETH!" Caitlin said stepping forward, "For the last time that is NOT the sloHMIGOSH IT'S CHRIS MCLEAN!"

"Yes, yes it is," Chris smiled, "I'll take a lemonade, shaken not stirred."

"Coming up, sir," Caitlin turned around and started making the lemonade.

"So, Beth," Chris smiled at Caitlin's back side, then caught himself and turned back to Beth, "How'd you like to be on TV?"

_**TDI**_

"Welcome Campers," Chris smiled from his podium, the fire roared a foot from him, "Welcome to Camp Wawanakwa, I'm sure you all got a good look at the facilities."

"The whole island looks like facilities," Duncan smirked, which led to a few laughs.

Chris smiled, "I hand picked this island for that reason! And I hope you all got introduced, because I don't have the time to introduce you. On the tray in front of me are 22 marshmallows, this is the only time this entire season you ALL get Marshmallows, starting tomorrow one of you won't get a marshmallow every time their team comes here after a loss. That person will then walk the Dock of Shame, and get on the Boat of Losers and go... to an undisclosed location." Chris tossed the marshmallows to the campers, enjoy your marshmallows, mingle some, I'll be back in a few minutes with the get to bed blow horn."

"Hmmmmm..." Owen said, "I hope my team loses every time... but I don't get eliminated., because I LOVE me some mallows!"

"Well," Heather sneered, "If you're not on my team I can guarantee you'll be here every time."

"Come on Guys," Beth said, "Can't we at least be friends."

"Nope," Gwen said, returning a smile from Cody.

"I'm sure SOME of us can be friends," Cody said, his blush hidden by the night.

"Just so long as I walk off this island with the money," Duncan said putting his marshmallow on a stick he had sharpened, "I don't care which team I'm on."

"Really, Cool Hand Luke?" Courtney scoffed, "You think YOU can beat me? I'm a CIT."

"Yeah," Duncan said, "But I'm a hardened criminal WITH A HOOK!" Duncan said as he raised a fake hook, causing all the other campers to scream, except Gwen.

"I actually believed you for a second," DJ laughed as he put his arm around Bridgette, which caused Geoff to tense up.

"Duncan, just so you know, I'm not afraid of you, I know like 38 martial arts and can kill a man, with out him even being a man!" Harold said striking a martial arts pose.

"Alright, Chuck Dorkis," Duncan laughed, "You have me afraid."

"You should be!"

"You all SHOULD be going to bed," Chris said walking back over to the fire pit, "It's late and we start bright and early tomorrow." Chris started ushering the campers out of the pit and pointing them in the direction of the cabins.

_**TDI**_

"So, here are the cabins, the left is for the ladies, and the right is for the dudes," Chris pointed out, "The bathrooms are right over there, and that is the ONLY place you are allowed to go once you guys are sent to bed at night."

"Sent to bed?" Duncan laughed, "I'm 18."

"Yeah, and you're a jailbird who should be used to going to bed when your warden tells you too," Courtney scoffed, looking over at Justin who winked in her direction.

"So, anyways, get your teenage asses to bed," Chris said, "I'll see you at sun up, filming starts then"

"Duncan," Heather said walking over as various guys exchanged looks with girls as they entered their cabins.

"What was your name again?" Duncan said as he was walking away.

"It's Heather," She grabbed a small rock and threw it at Duncan, "And you'll pay attention to me when I fucking talk to you!"

"What do you want to talk about?"

"An alliance," Heather said, "On the boat ride here I made a plan that involves you, and how I can get the two of us to the finals."

"I'm listening," Duncan said walking back over to her, "What's this plan?"

"We fake a relationship-"

"And I'm no longer listening."

"No, trust me, An alliance people will try and break, who's going to be heartless enough to try and break a relationship?"

"So why me?"

"Well, you're obviously one of the strongest people here, mentally and physically. And I'd rather have you on my side than against me."

"But I can obviously tell neither of us likes the other one," Duncan sneered, "I may actually hate you."

"Well, everytime we want to say that we hate the other, say love instead, people won't know the difference."

After a long period of time, Duncan smiled, "Fine."

_**TDI**_

"Well number 3 has to be Geoff," Sadie said, "I mean, those abs."

"And that smile," Katie agreed, "He was the best part of Aftermath, I didn't even care about the stupid celebrities."

"No offense, Bridgette" Sadie said turning to face Bridgette.

"None taken," Bridgette said looking up from the magazine she was reading, "I mean... it's not like I still think about him."

"2 is probably Duncan," Lindsey said, "That whole bad boy thing is kind of hot."

"What about that Tyler?" Leshawna said, "I like my men athletic."

"Which one is Tyler?" Lindsey said scratching her head.

"And 1 is no doubt Justin," Courtney said smiling.

"Yeeeaaaah," all the girls sighed.

_**TDI**_

"Duncan?" Geoff said from his bed, "Where were you bro?"

"I was... taking in the moonlight," Duncan said sitting on the empty bed, "What were you guys doing?"

"These neanderthals were discussing which of the females they would choose to defile," Noah said from his bed on the other side of the cabin.

"Oh?" Duncan smiled, "Who topped the list?"

"There's some debate," Trent said, "It's a toss up between Lindsey, Heather, and Gwen."

"No," Tyler said throwing his pillow at Trent, "You and Cody are the only ones who put Gwen as #1 so she's no on the list."

"But she's SO hot!" Cody said, "I mean, that pale skin, the eye liner, the highlights!"

"Yeah," Trent said, "Me and Cody obviously have the best taste in women."

"So D-Man," Ezekiel said, "Who would you bone?"

"Hmmm... probably Heather..." Duncan smiled, "We kind of started a thing, that's the kind of moonlight I was taking in."

"NICE!" Geoff leapt up to high five Duncan.

"How would he know what a hot chick is?" Harold whined, "I mean, he's been in jail probably trading his ass for cigarettes!"

"One," Duncan said, "It was only juvie, Two, I only smoke cigars, Three I'm going to beat the ever loving shit out of you!" Duncan ran across the room, grabbed the bar of the top bunk and vaulted into the bunk with Harold, grabbing him and throwing him down to the floor.

"BRAWL!" Geoff declared as all the guys, except Tyler, Justin, and Noah, started punching each other and kicking, until the door swung open and they all stopped.

"What the fuck do you monkeys think you're doing?" Chef said picking up the garbage can and throwing it across the cabin, causing all the boys to climb back into their beds rapidly, "That's more like it. If I hear one peep out of you I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and FURIOUS ANGER! So keep your asses in your sheets." Chef slammed the door.

"Harold," Duncan said, "Tomorrow... I'm kicking your ass."


	2. The Idiotarod

2.

_ What's more magical than summer camp? Summer camp where one lucky camper will win $1 millon! This is total drama island, the only summer camp that gives out a whopping cash prize. The game is simple, survive longer than the rest. Every now and then some one will be voted off, and because of that there will be a bunch of back stabbing, lying, and maybe even making out! If you want excitement... if you want romance... if you want DRAMA! You've come to the right show! Stay tuned to the exciting first episode of Total. DRAMA. IIIISSSLLLLLAAAANNNDDDD!_

_**TDI**_

"WAKE UP YOU USELESS SACKS OF PUKE!" Chef said kicking in the guys door, spraying them with water from his squirt gun, "You guys want breakfast?"

"Breakfast would be nice," Owen said sitting up, "Actually, it'd be very nice."

"Well," Chef said walking out of the cabin, "Than get your fannies to the kitchen."

"Wait," Owen stopped, "Does Chef mean our fannies are breakfast?"

"Yes, you ignorant clod," Noah said crawling out of his bed, "And with your fanny we'll eat for months."

"Really?" Owen said, "wait.. is ignorant clod a compliment?"

_**TDI**_

"Morning fellas," Chris said from the center of the mess hall, " Duncan, Geoff, Ezekiel, DJ, Tyler, and Trent, you're at this table to my left, the rest are at the table to my right."

"Wait a second," Trent looked at the red and green tablecloths, "We sit by teams?"

"Bingo, rock star," Chris said, "Gophers are green and Bass are red,"

"Bass? Duncan laughed, "You couldn't pick a cooler name than Bass?"

"Like Gophers is any better?" Justin whined, "I'm a model, I have Go-Fers, I am not one!"

"I'd rather be a Gopher," Ezekiel said grabbing a tray, "I mean, Gophers are all *rawrl-snarrl-rawrl!* but a bass is all *whoblush-whoblush*, eh?"

**So, I was in a juvie gang and we had a guy like Ezekiel... we traded him for cigarettes... I don't think that's an option here though.**

"I'm just glad he's not on my team," Noah smirked grabbing his tray, "Speaking of which where are the female part of the equation?"

"Dude, do you know nothing of girls?"

"I'm wearing a sweater vest," Noah glared.

"Oh... good point, they take like 10 hours to get ready in the morning," Tyler said, "I know because I have like a sister and she's a girl."

"You don't say," Noah rolled his eyes.

"Morning gentlemen," Courtney said walking in, catching a smile from Justin, "Hey, Justin this seat-"

"Not available to you!" Chris said, "You can't just sit where ever, you have to sit with your team, the Bass."

"Bass?"

"I said the same thing," Duncan said buttery his english muffin.

"Fine," Courtney walked over to the buffet line in a huff as the rest of the girls came in.

"Beth, Leshawna, Heather, Eva, Izzy and Gwen, you're Gophers," Chris said, "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go make sure our challenge is all set up."

"Morning Heather," Duncan said between bites, "I h-love you."

** Even though Duncan is boorish and insane, this plan just might work. Hello $1 Million.**

Geoff spat his milk all over Bridgette who sat down across from him, "Did you just say the 'L' word?"

"Is that really THAT big of a shock?" Bridgette said wiping the milk off her face.

"No, I just wanted to sit milk on you, Darling," Geoff said with a glare.

"Yes," Heather said sitting with the Gophers, "He did, we kind of hit it off last night."

"Wow the scummy criminal and the scummy control freak," Courtney rolled her eyes, "I thought they say OPPOSITES attract."

"Come on guys," Beth said sitting at the Gopher table, "The competition hasn't begun, can we at least TRY to be friends?"

"Wrong," Heather said, "The competition started as soon as we set foot on that beach."

"Agreed... sweetheart," Duncan stammered.

"Good," Heather smiled.

"Did everyone get a good breakfast?" Chris said walking back into the tent, "Good, if you'll all come with me we'll get this crazy wheel a'rollin'. Oh, and stay in your teams please."

_**TDI**_

"Dog sleds?" Lindsey said "'AWWWW! I LOVE DOGS! Where are the puppies?

"IZZY WANT PLAY WITH PUPPIES!' 'Easy Izzy, people might think you're crazy!' 'No Explosivo, no one thinks Izzy is CRAZY!' 'I do'"

"Um... weird," Chris said looking out of the corner of his eye, "But sadly Lindsey and... Crazy, there are no dogs."

"Then how are the sleds powered?" Cody looked around.

"Well, after that looka round, did you see the power source?" Chris smiled deviously.

"Wait..." Gwen stopped, "We're the power source?"

"Bingo! bass, you're sled is the one with the bass flag, Gophers your's is the one with the gopher flag. Here's the challenge, along the way to the top of Mt. Wawanakwa, over there, are two paths of flags, each team must grab their flags before they cross the finish line. If a team crosses without all 10 flags, then they lose and will vote the first person off the island. Along the way will be various... obstacles to try and slow you down. The first team to cross the line with all 10 flags wins.

"Why do we need the sleds?" Eva grunted, "I mean, even Noah could pull an empty sled up the mountain!"

"Who said it would be empty?" Chris smiled, clapping his hands. As the host clapped four interns pulled a box out and loaded it on one sled, another group did the same task for the other, "Also, what sled team would be complete with out a musher?" Chris stepped onto the Gopher's sled, as Chef climbed onto the Bass sled.

"Way to open your big mouth, Eva!" Noah muttered as he got in the harness.

"SHUT UP MAGGOT!" Chris yelled, "Hey Chef, did I do that right?"

"#&%% yes!" Chef said pumping his fist "HOO-RAH!"

"Alright, when you hear the pistol begin the first challenge of Total. DRAMA. IS-" *BANG!* "CHEF!" Chris yelled as the two sleds started to move, "You were suppossed to wait until I finished!"

"See you at the top, pretty boy!" Chef waved as the Bass pulled ahead, "MUSH YOU WORTHLESS APES!"

_**TDI**_

"We've got this in the bag, Bros!" Geoff cheered, "I mean, nothing's going to-ooof!" Geoff, second from the front, got whapped by a branch trap, knocking him to the ground, and tripping up the campers behind him.

"Geoff!" Courtney screamed as she got up, "WHAT WAS THAT!"

"I got hit by a treach branch, bra, it's not my fault."

"Yeah, lighten up, Courtney," Duncan said helping Geoff up, "We all make mistakes."

"Yeah," Courtney said turning and getting in Duncan's face, "But anyone who's mistake costs me my Million will feel the wrath of GOD!"

"Will you all shut your mouths and get on the move again?" Chef bellowed.

"Won't do you any good!" Heather laughed as the Gophers stormed past, "WE'VE got this in the bag!"

"Their getting away!" Katie cried.

"ALL HOPE IS LOST!" Sadie moaned.

"Just shut up and pull," Courtney said tugging at the central rope, the unrelated twins started running and the Bass were off again.

_**TDI**_

"ON WARD MY COMRADES!" Izzy chanted from her spot.

"Is anyone else getting really annoyed by her?" Justin moaned.

"Nope," Owen said, "She's hot!"

"No," justin ran his hand through his hair, "I am."

"Well, yeah, but-" Owen dropped to his knees, a dart sticking out of his neck.

"Those sneaky interns took out Owen," Chris smiled, "Well played."

"We have to drag him to the top?" Eva grabbed a rock and threw it in the woods, "MOTHER %#$^#!"

"Relax Eva," Beth said, "Maybe if we take the dart out he'll wake up."

"Are you really that stupid?" Noah said, lowering his book, "Toxic darts aren't on/off switches."

"I got hit with a dart once," Beth said, "My last boyfriend Brady accidently hit me with one, we were playing darts in his basement and I was telling the story about how I figured out I had a foot fungus and he accidently hit me with a dart. I was even on the other side of the room, so he REALLY messed up."

"No," Noah scoffed, "I think his aim was pretty spot on."

"Will you two can it and help us figure out how to move the unmovable blob?" Harold said stomping his foot down.

"How about we put him on the seld?" Leshawna said, "White boy didn't tell us we had to STAY harnessed."

"That's true," Heather said, " Alright, let's do it."

"HEY! HEATHER BABE!" Duncan jeered as the Bass took the lead back from the Gophers, "LOVE YOU!"

_**TDI**_

"So..." Trent began scratching his head, "How do we get it up this little cliff thingy?"

"Up to you," Chef said turning the page of the Guns and Jugs, "All I know is I'm keeping my $$ plunked here."

"Times like this I wish we had that Eva chick," Tyler said, "I mean, did you see the calves on her?"

"I thought you're supposed to be an athlete?" Duncan said sizing up the cliff, "Shouldn't you just He-man us through this?"

"Maybe, but..." Tyler turned his head, "Uh, Guys... their gaining on us?"

"HOW?" Courtney shrieked as she stepped forward, "Were they not stalled as we raced by?"

"Easy with the 'were they not', sweetheart." Duncan smiled, "We've got this. Everyone, take off your harnesses and then one of-"

"DON'T EXPLAIN!" Courtney said sliding out of her harness, "JUST DO!"

"Fine," Duncan grabbed the harnesses once everyone was out, and began climbing.

**So, Duncan may be a stupid criminal, but he's strong... I'll have to remember that.** Courtney mused.

"Alright, now you guys push the sled up to me," Duncan said, "And do it fast, we have company!"

"QUICK!" Gwen said getting out of her harness, "Do what they're doing!"

"Wait to steal our plan Goth bra!" Geoff snorted.

"No," Duncan huffed as he pulled the sled, "You mean way to steal MY plan!"

"Right, bro, sorry," Geoff wave dup to Duncan, "Way to steal MY plan! Better?"

** So Geoff's nice, and I can see myself getting along with him... but he's kind of an idiot.**

"Come on campers," Chris smiled from his seat on the Gopher sled, "We have a production schedule to stick to."

"We're working, eh?" Ezekiel moaned as he pulled himself onto the cliff.

"Well... work harder," Chris laughed.

"Are we all up?" Bridgette asked.

"Yeah we're all up Babe," DJ said getting back in his harness.

**%#!... I was hoping we could have left DJ at the bottom of the cliff, steal my exe... &!^$$#.**

"Then I have a question..." Courtney said clicking into her harness.

"What?" Katie and Sadie said in unison.

"WHY ARE WE STILL HERE?"

"Good question, Princess Courtney," Duncan said mocking a bow as the team took off.

"AFTER THEM!" Heather yelled as the rest of the Gophers got hooked up.

"Hey guys," Owen yawned, "Whudd I miss?"

_**TDI**_

"We're almost there!" Lindsey exclaimed, "GO... wait... which team are we?"

"The winning team, bra!" Geoff laughed, "WOOOOOOHHOOOO!" Geoff's yell startled a squirrel, making its way across a branch. It leapt up, landed in terror and shook a nut from the tree, which fell and caused a minor explosion.

**Chris is having us pull a sled across a mine field?** Trent gasped **Not cool. **

"Um... we can do this..." Courtney began to panic, "I'm a CIT."

"Unless the camp you went to trained you in bomb difusing I doub thtat will do us any good, Princess."

"Can you knock off the Princess crap, Duncan?" Courtney glared, "No girl in her right mind would like you to call them a princess."

"Guys, just on the other side of the field is the finish line, bros and bras respectively."

"Yeah," DJ moaned, "that doesn't help us."

"Sure it does... bro," Geoff forced the word out, "all we have to do is get a bunch of nuts and toss them on the field, triggering them, and allowing us to move through without a problem.

"Great Idea, Geoff," Bridgette smiled.

"Thanks, Bay-Bridge." Geoff Blushed, and unseen by DJ, Bridgette did as well.

"Yeah, man," Trent said, "Quick everyone get a hand ful of nuts!" Duncan and Geoff burst out laughing.

"Oh grow up," Courtney scoffed.

_**TDI**_

"Why are those *%&# heads tossing nuts on the ground?" Eva grunted as the Gophers closed the gap between themselves and the Bass.

"Who knows?" Gwen said, but maybe we should do it too?"

"Can. we. stop?" Owen panted, "And can some one tell me the warning signs of a heart attack?"

"Um, numbness in the-"

"Beth," Heather snarled, "Owen was joking."

"No... I'm pretty sure I'm having a heart a-" Owen fell over.

"OWEN!" The Gophers panics and crowded around Owen, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, there was a rock and I tripped... I get clumsy when I'm hungry."

"Are you always hungry?" Noah smiled.** I can tell from his waist line the answer is probably yes.**

"No... yes..." Owen sighed as Cody and Harold helped him up.

"Follow their path," Noah said, "Trust me, if we don't go off their path we'll be fine." And just like that the Gophers were on their way and through thte minefield.

_**TDI**_

"LOOK!" Tyler pointed with glee.

"It's the finish line!" Katie squealed.

"We're going to win!" Sadie chimed in.

"Guys, let's not get phallic, eh?" Ezekiel said pointing behind him at the Gophers.

"Phallic?" Lindsey scratched her head as she ran.

"You know," Ezekiel shrugged, "Cocky?"

"Let me guess," Trent smiled, "You were homeschooled, right?"

"How'd you know?"

**Call it a hunch.**

_**TDI**_

"COME ON GOPHERS!" Chris moaned from his seat on the sled, "I will not lose to Chef, MUSH ALREADY!"

"We ARE mushing you pampered twat!" Eva snarled, "And I'm about ten seconds from mushing your face!"

"But... that's my money maker!"

_**TDI**_

"Almost there bros and bras," Geoff cheered, "About 100 meters!"

"Same for us!" The gophers said as they pulled up beside the Bass.

"FINALLY!" Chris said, "Some DRAMA!"

"Not for long!" Chef said pulling out a rolling pin and trowing it at Chef, who dodged it.

"You missed!" Chris taunted.

"Did I?" Chef smiled as a raccoon fell out of the tree Chef hit with the pin, and it's landing zone was Chris' lap.

"See you at the finish line!" Chef saluted as the Bass gave a final thrust to pull their sled across the line.

**So, Chef knocked a raccoon on my lap... well played.**

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Chef fought with the raccoon until two interns ran out and grabbed it in a canvas sack, "Thank you interns. Now, it seems the Bass are the winners-"

"GO BASS!" Geoff yelled as the rest of the team began to celebrate, with hugs all around... except Duncan and Courtney, who started to hug, but stopped and angrily glared at each other.

"And, if one team wins," Chris turned to the Gophers, "that means the other team is the losing team. Gophers, I will see you at the bonfire at 8;00 ish? Does that work for everyone? Good, I'll see you at 8." Chris and Chef turned and walked away talking "I've got to admit, that raccoon trick was golden."

_**TDI**_

"Hey, Courtney," Justin said as he walked up to Courtney and Bridgette, who sat on the porch of the girls cabin.

"Hey?"

"Well, I just wanted to let you know, that if I get voted off, I think I'll miss you most of all." Justin smiled, which made Bridgette and Courtney swoon, "I'll see you later, laaadies." Justin winked and walked off.

**So, Justin was hitting on me, and I'm okay with that.**

"What the FUCK was that?" Geoff yelled from inside the boys cabin.

"What was what?" Duncan said looking up from a 1983 copy of 'Heavy Metal'. "I can't believe this is the most recent magazine here, and it's 20 some years old."

"Look at Justin," Geoff glared, "galvanizing his perfect abs and his eyes... and smile."

"Galvanizing?" Duncan looked up again, "I think you mean gallavanting."

"What's the difference?"

"One is showboating stuff, and the other..."

"Means to energize with electricty," Harold said poking his head into the cabin, "I was listening in."

"Don't eavesdrop or I'll kick you so hard your eaves won't ever drop again."

"What's that even mean?" Harold asked.

"It means... it sounded better in my head," Duncan's head drooped as Harold ducked out again."

**Duncan may be tough... but that was a terrible insult.**

"Anyways," Geoff sat down as Trent walked in, "What's so great about that Justin fellas?"

"Probably his abs," Tyler said from his bed on the other side of the cabin.

"What?" Trent, Greff, and Duncan all turned their heads.

"What's the big deal? As a fellow athlete I appreciate a toned man."

"Oh, alright."

_**TDI**_

"Welcome Gophers... I kind of didn't expect this, but I've been wrong before... only three times, but there is precedent. Anyway, before me sit 11 gophers, and on the tray beside me rest 10 marshmellows... everyone except Izzy probably knows that math don't add up. When I call your name, be prepared to catch your mallow, if you don't hear your name, be prepared to walk down the dock of shame, got it?" Everyone silently nodded.

"Alright, the first Marshmallow of safety goes... to... Owen. The second, third, and fourth go to Gwen, Izzy, and Heather respectivly. Eva and Heather, heads up. Leshawna, Cody, and Noah, you are all also safe. Which brings us to the bottom two. you each recieved three votes, and one of you recieved 4. and the final Marshmallow goes to... Harold."

"What?" Beth looked around, "But I thought you guys liked me?"

"You're too nice," Heather sneered.

"%&#%# had to go," Eva nodded.

"I didn't vote for you," Gwen glared at Heather, "For what it's worth."

Beth sniffled, "It does help a liAAH" Beth was caught off guard by Chef, who tossed her on his shoulder and carried her to the boat, "Goodbye cruel island!"

"Was that as good for you guys as it was for me?" Chris smiled, "I'll see you in the morning, good night everyone."

_ And there you have it, Beth becomes the first caualty of this conflict. Will the Gophers drop another one next week, or will they flip the script on the Bass? There's only one way to find out for sure... and if you're slow like Lindsey, the answer is to turn into the next exciting episode of Total. DRAMA. !_


	3. Pirates of Wawanakwa

3.

_LAST time on Total Drama Island, the teams were told to race to the top of Mt. Wawanakwa, pulling me and Chef on dog sleds, and there was some action and drama. Including people getting hurt, Exhibit A: Owen getting a Tranq dart to the neck. And there was some Drama: Like Justin hitting on Courtney. But the challenge was the priority, and the Bass took the win, and sent the Gophers to the elimination pit, who in turn sent nonathletic Beth packing. Will the Gophers drop a second straight challenge? Will the Bass self destruct? Will This series win the Gemini? Wait, I can answer that one... yes, yes it will. But, for the answers to the other questions, stay tuned for another exciting episode of Total. DRAMA. ISSSSLLLLLAAAANNNNNDDD!_

_**TDI**_

"Oh, yeah, that's good" Duncan moaned in his sleep, waking Geoff in the bunk above him.

"Um... dude?"

"Yeah, that's right you know how I like it," Duncan continued.

"What's he going on about?" Trent said, walking back in from a shower.

"Don't know," Geoff said staring at the sleeping punk, "I heard him say something about how he 'loves how demanding you are' so it must be Heather."

"Probably," Trent sat down on his bed as Tyler and Noah returned from their showers, "Those two have really gotten on my nerves, did you listen to them last night?"

"I know," Geoff leapt down from his bunk, "I think they said 'I love you more' like 50 times each. I get it you're in love, stop whipping it out and hitting my face with it."

"That's what she said." Trent laughed.

"Dude, it totally is!"

The two high fived.

"Really, are you two going to trod that dead horse out?" Noah said as he pulled his shirt on.

"What dead horse?" Trent questioned as he ran a comb through his hair.

"The whole 'that's what she said,' guffaw guffaw," Noah said as he rolled up his sleeves, "I mean, frankly that joke is more worn out than Ezekiel's mom."

"Dude!" Geoff turned and looked at Ezekiel, "Are you going to take that?"

"Take what?" Ezekiel looked confused, **Seriously, take what?**

"So, Noah, bro," Geoff said adjusting his hat, "Is this who you're going to be, the total $$ hole?"

"I'm here for the money," Noah said checking his hair in the mirror, "And if that means I have to demean a few simpletons to take away their focus, causing them to stumble down the dock to the boat, I won't lose any sleep at night," Noah walked over and looked at Geoff, "You may call it being an $$ hole, I call it being a winner."

"And I call it being a pussy," Duncan said rolling out of bed and landing in a push up stance, "Because you don't have the physical strength to back it up."

"So you think I'm all talk?"

After completeing a set of push ups, Duncan stood up and stared Noah down, "My only question, are you going to bark all day little doggy... or are you going to bite?" Noah stared in silence, unwilling to answer Duncan's question.

"Man," Geoff finally broke the awkward silence, "_Reservoir Dogs_ is such a bad ass movie!"

"Yeah, it is," Duncan smiled as he walked out the door, "I'll see you at BreakfaAAAHHHHHHSSSTTT!"

"What just happened?" Justin said pulling his sleep mask off his eyes.

"I don't know," Harold said walking to the door, "Let's just hope he's gone for goooOOOOOODDD!"

"Nobody leave," Trent said slamming the door shut, "Some one is picking us off as we.. luh-luh-eeeeee-" Trent failed to finish his sentence as the gas from the canister that had just been thrown through the window began to take effect.

_**TDI**_

"Where... where are we?" Leshawna said rubbing her head, as she awoke from a gas induced sleep.

"Yerr on a boat, me hearty!" Chris said from a small dingy in between the two 30 foot boats that the teams were on, "And yee've bin shanghaied!"

"OH NO!" Ezekiel panicked, "I agreed to save myself for marriage!"

"Are... are you actually mentally impaired?" Courtney said staring at Ezekiel.

"No, I'm at the top of my class!"

"Um, Zeke," Trent put his arm around Ezekiel, "You're an only child that's home schooled... of course you're at the top of your class."

"Will some one shut the land lubber up?" Chris scowled, "Today's challenge is a booty raid."

**I rock at raiding for some booty. **Duncan smiled.

"O're yonder be Skull Island, and on the beach of the island be an X," Chris pointed with his toy cutlass at an island in the distance, "The challenge be as this, you are to steer yer boats through the various booby traps and seas beasts, and get to the island, secure yer treasure, and bring it back to that bell or one of the losers will walk the plank!"

"Huh?" Lindsey scratched her head.

"Oh, also act as pirate like as yee kin, So, sabotage, kidnapping, and high seas warfare be encouraged," Chris smiled and pulled out a pistol, and aimed it in the air, "On the sound of me pistol..." Chris pulled the trigger and the boats listly drifted, "Why aren't you going anywhere?"

"I don't think any of us know how to work the boats," Cody said.

"I do," Duncan smiled and the Bass shot off from the starting line.

**Okay, so I may have exaggerated when I said I could drive the boat... I mean... I played GTA and there are boats in that... so... I know how to, right?**

The boat began to careen when Duncan realized he didn't know how to drive the boat, much to the chagrin of his team.

"I thought you said you know how to drive boats?" Courtney screamed.

"Yeah, bro," Geoff said looking at the Gophers, who began to leave the starting line.

"I thought I did, Sweetheart," Duncan said glaring at Courtney.

"Sweetheart?" Courtney grabbed Duncan's mohawk and smashed his face into the steering wheel, "NEVER CALL ME SWEETHEART YOU SCRUFFY YAK HERDER!"

"Scruffy..." Duncan began crying.

"Dude," Tyler turned and looked at Duncan, "You're crying?"

"Yeah, I had a spider named Scruffy... he got crushed by a rent-a-cop when me and my team were pulling a job at the mall..." Duncan sniffled.

"I HOPE YOU ENJOY LOSING!" Eva sneered as the Gophers made their way past the Bass.

"Eva, we need to talk like pirates!" Owen said pounding his fist on the bench in the back of the boat, "YE BE LAND LUBBERS! See, Eva, that's so much more in the spirit of the challenge."

"Bite me, Owen."

**So... Eva kind of scares me, I think see might have more Y chromosomes than me... if you catch my meaning. Don't tell Eva I said that.**

**Owen is a weakling and I'm ashamed he's on my team.** Eva Snarled.

"Guys, let's focus, we're in the lead..." Cody said, "Let's keep it that way."

"Cody's right," Gwen said putting her hand on Cody's shoulder, "We need to remember we're a team, and keep the caddy infighting to a- Cody are you okay?"

"Yeah," Cody said from the deck of the boat, "I just got a little light headed." Gwen smiled at Cody.

_**TDI**_

"Alright, I'm back," Duncan said wiping his eyes, "Let's win this."

"Hey, Guys, I got an idea!" Trent said opening the box in the back of the boat, "Seems like we got a paintball gun."

**Um, Doesn't giving Teenagers paintball guns on boats they don't know how to drive seem a little dangerous? Anyone?** Courtney lamented.

"Nice!" Geoff high fived him, "Duncan, you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"If you're thinking we pull up next to the Gophers and shoot them with paintballs... the answer is #&%% to the %#$& yes." Duncan smiled and speed closer to the Gopher boat.

_**TDI**_

"Look what I found!" Harold said grabbing the Gopher's Paintball gun.

"Hmmm..." Heather looked around the boat, "What to do? What to do?"

"Wouldn't it be prudent to get beside the Bass, board their ship and take one of their players, ergo giving us leverage with which to blackmail them later in the challenge and guaranteeing us a victory?" Noah said looking up from his book briefly.

"I was going to suggest we just shoot them," Justin said, "But I like Noah's plan.

"Yeah..." Heather nodded, "Good plan, Noah."

_**TDI**_

"They're driving right towards us!" Bridgette exclaimed.

"DJ," Trent said, "Are you ready to start shooting?"

"What?" I've never fired a gun, even a paintball one, in my entire life," DJ pushed the gun back at Trent, "I'm a wannabe actor, not a gunslinger."

"Geoff?" Trent turned.

"Dude, the closest thing I've ever come to firing a gun is my beer glass that's shaped like a tommy gun."

"Ladies?"

"Nope," Katie said.

"No way," Sadie agreed.

"I'm a TV host," Bridgette shrugged, "That's what I have a body guard for."

"I bet Duncan could do it," Courtney said, grabbing the gun from Trent and thrusting it into Duncan's lap, "Go shoot them!"

"First off, Princess," Duncan pushed the gun away and kept driving, "If you say $#!% I'm not going to ask what shape you want, and second if I don't drive the boat... who will?"

**Duncan is probably the most annoying person I've ever met. I mean seriously, who does he think he is? I'm a CIT he should be taking my orders! And he thinks he's so great, I mean has he done anything other than go to Juvie? What's so great about that?**

"I'LL DO IT MYSELF!" Courtney grabbed the gun back and went to the side of the boat, and saw the approaching Gophers, "You wanna play rough? OKAY I'll play rough! SAY HELLO-"

"Uggh," Duncan moaned, "That is so cliche!"

"What's wrong with it?" Courtney said, lowering the barrel and turning.

"Have you even seen _Scarface_?"

"That's from a movie?" Sadie said sitting on the bench, leaning on the side of the boat, "I didn't kn-AAAAAHHHH!"

"TAKE THAT BASS-HOLES!" Eva laughed as she pulled Sadie onto the Gopher boat.

**Should we censor that? **Chris looked around **Anyone know?**

"SADIE!" Katie ran to the port side as the Gophers pulled off, making obscene hand gestures and taunting, "Duncan, we need to go get her!"

"No, we need to go get the treasure!" Courtney said.

"I agree with Princess," Duncan said, "We win the challenge, THEN get her back."

**So, I saw this opportunity as a chance to team up with Duncan. He may be a scary bro, but he's a tough bro. And I need to attach myself to someone who can carry me. **Geoff said.

"Yeah, let's get the treasure!" Geoff said, putting his arm around Katie, "Maybe she'll destroy them from within, she's a fighter."

_**TDI**_

"So now that we have her..." Cody said staring at Sadie, who the Gophers had sat on the deck, "What do we do?"

"We wait," Noah smiled cruelly, "We wait and let the Bass dig up the treasure."

"What?" Eva grabbed Noah and lifted him off the bench, "Do you want us to lose you like $#!%head?"

"No, Eva," Noah said as she set him back down, "With my strategy... we can't do anything but win."

"I agree with Noah," Harold said, "I think I know where he's going with this."

_**TDI**_

"There's the 'X'" Trent said jumping off the boat onto the beach.

"Congrats me Bass Hearties" Chris smiled from his spot about twenty feet from the X, "Now that yer here, ye can begin with the digging up of the treasure."

"Let's go!" Tyler grabbed a shovel and started digging, "AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR! I FEEL SO MANLY!"

**So Tyler's kind of weird... like really weird.** DJ slowly nodded. **REEEEAAAALLLY WEIRD.**

"Well," Chris said climbing into the dingy from earlier, "See you back on Wawanakwa."

_**TDI**_

"So everyone understands the plan?" Noah said as the Gophers pulled up to the shore.

"Yes sir, captain sir!" Owen saluted, jumped off the boat and belly flopped on the sand.

"Let's go people!" Heather said jumping onto Owen's back, using him like a springboard, "We have a challenge to win!"

"Oh crap!" Tyler said, "It's the Gophers!"

"Yes it is," Justin smiled and took off his shirt, causing everyone except Duncan, Trent, Geoff, Harold, Cody, Ezekiel, DJ, and Noah to stop and stand still.

**So far so good**, Noah smiled.

"Was that supposed to stop all of us?" Trent laughed.

"Nope, just distract most the people while we help you dig up the treasure," Noah said grabbing a shovel... then dropping it, "Well, at least while Cody and Harold help you dig up the treasure."

"Why would you help us?" Geoff looked puzzled.

"Because if we both return at the same time, we'll tie and nobody goes home."

"Crafty," Duncan nodded.

"Hey Cody," Trent asked, "Has that Gwen chick been showing any interest in any of the guys here?"

"Yeah," Cody smiled.

_**TDI**_

"1-2-3- HEAVE!" Noah commanded as the coalition pulled the chest up, "NOW!" Cody and Harold turned and tripped Trent and Duncan as Justin pulled his shirt back on.

"What happened?" Bridgette rubbed her head.

"We were bamboozled!" Geoff yelled, "Grab the treasure chest."

"Not so fast!" Noah said as Eva pushed Sadie in front of the Bass, pointing the paintball gun at her, "Any movement and she gets a red dot on her back."

"Guys! We can't let them hurt Sadie!"

"It's just a paintball gun," Duncan said getting up and running after Owen and Ezekiel who were pushing the chest onto the boat.

"NOOOOOOO!" Katire leapt forward and tackled Duncan, allowing the Gophers to jump back on the boat.

"What the #&%%?" Courtney leapt forward and pulled Katie to her feet.

"Guys, one of our team mates was in danger!" Katie said, "Are you seriously telling me you wouldn't do the same if Duncan was at the point of that mad she-man's gun?"

"Why'd you pick Duncan?" Tyler said looking from Katie to Courtney.

"Isn't it obvious?" Katie said, "Her crush on Duncan is the closest thing to me and Sadie's friendship."

"I do NOT have a crush on..." Courtney turned and looked at Duncan, who winked, "That."

"Fine, I guess I just misread EVERY sign that a girl has a crush on a guy."

_**TDI**_

"Gophers," Chris said, "All you have to do is solve this riddle and you'll get the key to open the chest, revealing the hammer to hit the bell and thus win the challenge: What has a face, but no head? and Hands, but no arms?"

"A HOT DOG!" Owen exclaimed with glee.

"No."

"It's a clock, moron," Noah said extending his arm for the key.

"But hot dogs do have faces and hands in them," Owen said.

"Yeah... but that's just disgusting," Chris gagged, "Not the correct answer. But Noah on the other hand solved the riddle, and gets the key." The host passed the key to the schemer and allowed him to open the chest. Eva reached in, grabbed the hammer and threw it at the bell, causing it to ring loudly.

"And the Screaming Gophers win the Pirate Challenge, as a reward you not only get to avoid elimination, but you also get a champions feast that is waiting for you in the Mess Hall."

As Chris was explaining the results, the Bass boat pulled up and the angry losers got off.

"Ah, speaking of elimination," Chris said, "The Bass will be joining me at the fire pit tonight for the first time... I'm looking forward to it."

_**TDI**_

"So here we are," Chris scanned the Bass, "To be honest I expected a little bit more diversity in the voting, but it was a vote of 9-2. And as a result everyone except Courtney and Katie... you're safe. Courtney and Katie, you each recieved votes... but Katie, you prevention of Duncan stopping the Gophers got you 4 and a half times as much hate as Courtney, which means you're the second person to be voted off the island. Chef's waiting for you at the end of the dock."

"KAAAATTTTIIEE!" Sadie yelled as she ran down the dock after Katie.

"Sadie," Katie turned, "Stay and win this for me."

"I will, I'll make sure I eliminate Courtney for-"

"No you won't," Chef said as he knocked Katie onto the boat and pulled off.

_And there you have it loyal viewer, Katie got the axe when she stopped victory, and she made an out of left field accusation about Courtney's love life! Will Katie's assertion prove positive? Will Sadie actually strike the blow against Courtney she promised? Will our ratings go up even more? Find out next time on Total. DRAMA. !_


	4. Tin Soldiers

4.

_LAST TIME on Total Drama Island... We went hunting fer tray-sure! But all we found was drama! The teams clashed and Noah schemed the Gophers to their first victory, sending the Bass to the fire pit and sending Katie home after sacrificing their chance at victory, and for possibly outing a deep secret of one of the Bass. Will Sadie get her revenge? Is Noah going to scheme his way to the top? Was Katie right? Find out today on another exciting episode of Total. DRAMA. ISSSSSLLLLLAAAAANNNNDDDD! _

TDI

Duncan laughed as Courtney walked into the mess hall, "Morning Princess." Courtney glared.

**Okay, so Katie said that she thinks I like Duncan, so now Duncan has been hitting on me, if he's serious I'm going to kick him in the balls.**

"Duncan, sweetie," Heather said grabbing Duncan, "Can we talk outside for a minute?"

"Yeaaahhhhh" Duncan dropped his spoonful of eggs as Heather pulled him outside.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing?"

"I WAS eating eggs," Duncan said.

"No, the whole Courtney thing," Heather said as Duncan straightened his shirt, "Remember our little arrangement?"

"It was slipping my mind, besides Courtney's way too repulsive for me, "Duncan laughed, "And I only have eyes for you sugar." Duncan winked before walking back into the mess hall.

**I don't have feelings for Duncan, I just don't want him to jeopardize my little plan.** Heather fumed.

"Courtney, can we talk?" Justin said putting a hand on Courtney's shoulder, "Can I talk to you outside?"

"NOPE!" Chris said pushing Justin onto the Gopher's table, "Are you guys all full of food?"

"Not even close!" Owen said.

"Too bad, big guy," Chris said, "Will the Gophers follow me?"

_**TDI**_

"A rock?" Noah said staring, "I just hiked up this mountain for... a rock?"

"It's a big rock," Izzy said, "At least it's not a pebble, it's more like a boulder."

"It's not just A boulder," Chris said pulling a Gopher flag out of his pocket and sticking it in a small stand on top of the rock, "It's YOUR rock, Gophers. Chef's giving the Bass this same speech, so they'll know the rules too. Because you guys won the last challenge your reward is the massive treasure under this rock-"

"A massive Treasure under a rock?" DJ said, "How Massive?"

"BIG!" Chef said, "Bigger than that $#!% prize you're all fighting for. So there's a Gopher flag on the top of the rock-"

"And you need to keep them from putting a Bass flag in that spot," Chris said pointing, "And as long as you have your flag in that spot by 3, you win the prize."

"But what if we lose our flag?" Bridgette asked.

"You'll each get a flag," Chef said handing them out, "You just need the one in the stand though."

"So... are you ready?" Chris smiled deviously, "Oh, and you also get a bunch of supplies for trap building... I probably should have mentioned that earlier."

"I think so," Noah met the smile with equal deviousness.

_**TDI**_

"Alright," Duncan said, "We need to do this marine style, get a diversionary force to lure them away from the rock, then the rest go in and plant our flag."

"Who made YOU leader?" Courtney said, Bridgette and DJ stood behind her.

"Well, being that my leadership is natural... either from God or evolution, I'll let you decide which."

"Yeah, she-bro," Geoff and Trent said getting behind Duncan, "Duncan went to prison-"

"Juvie."

"Juvie! He's probably got all kinds of crazy gang tactics!"

"And I was a CIT and class President," Courtney said, "I've got more leadership in my left pinky than you have in your entire body."

"Then make your move, Princess," Duncan said staring down Courtney.

"GUYS!" Lindsey stamped her foot down, "STOP IT! We have treasure to go get!"

"Hey, how about a compromise!" Tyler stepped forward, "How about Lindsey leads this, being that she's the only sensible one here?"

"Fine," Duncan said turning to face Courtney, who just glared silently.

"What's it going to be?" Trent said.

"Fine..." Courtney grumbled.

"Okay!" Lindsey smiled, "So... now what?"

_**TDI**_

"Yeah," Noah smiled as he looked at the Gophers as they set traps around the mountain top, "Maybe another net trap over there, we can't have them sneaking up on our flanks."

"Um, Noah," Justin said, "I get that you're like some kind of super genius, but... I'm not a worker bee. You can't expect me to know how to lay traps... I'm a model dammit!"

"Are you finished?" Noah said.

"Yes," Justin nodded.

"Well, then go get a fresh tampon and get back to work."

**So, Noah's kind of a jerk, I mean, seriously... he's just mean.** Justin whimpered.

"Owen are you and Izzy ready to go out on patrol?"

"SIR! YESSIR!" Owen and Izzy snapped to attention.

"Heather," Noah said motioning to Heather, "Want to help me with something?"

"What?"

"I think I require a hand," Noah smiled pointing to a large clump of trees.

**Is... Is Noah hitting on me?** Heather looked confused

_**TDI**_

"So, Bro," Geoff said as he, Duncan, and Trent crouched in the bushes, looking at Owen and Izzy walking down the path.

"What?" Duncan said motioning to Ezekiel and Tyler in the bushes on the other side of the path.

"Um... so... well... bro..." Geoff stammered.

"Are you digging on Courtney?" Trent said, "There Geoff, see what you can accomplish if you have balls."

"Hardy har," Geoff laughed, "But yeah... is that what's been going on?"

"No," Duncan snorted, "She's a stuck up $#%&#, I wouldn't do her if she paid me."

"HALT!" Ezekiel said leaping out of the woods ands tackling Owen.

"End of the LINE!" Tyler said leaping out of the bush, but his pants got caught and he was forced to the ground, face first.

"YOU IDIOTS!" Duncan said throwing a pine cone and hitting Ezekiel in the face, "You were supposed to wait until-"

"Too late now, muchacho!" Izzy said side kicking Tyler as he stood up, knocking him back down, "Izzy knows where you are! And therefore Izzy knows where you shall die! THE SAME PLACE! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" The psychotic gril leapt forward driving a knee into Geoff.

"OUCH BRA!" Geoff fell over crying, holding his face "NOW I'LL NEVER BE A TEEN MODEL!"

**Not that I wanted to be a teen model... I don't I... I just felt like I had to play into the cliche. **Geoff sighed.

_**TDI**_

"Seriously Heather," Noah said running his hand through his hair, "I have needs."

"Then fill them yourself," Heather glared, "I'm sure you're used to that."

"Ouch, that hurts me," Noah said as Heather turned away, "Look... everyone else is off luring the Bass into our traps, it's just you and me here."

"So?"

"Come on! How are you not turned on right now?"

"How are you? We're in a disgusting pit filled with horrid people."

"Yeah, that are out doing my bidding," Noah smiled as he scanned the forest, "It's so... Well, Kissinger got it right."

"Was he a songwriter?" Heather said walking away from Noah."

"No... he... never mind."

_**TDI**_

"Is it just me, or have I been keeping my trap shut?" Leshawna said to the goth girl walking beside her.

"I don't know you, do you talk a lot?" Gwen angrily huffed as she sat down on a log, "My boots were not designed for hiking."

"Girl, I talk like you wouldn't believe, and yeah those boots are stylin' but they ain't going to do any good out here."

"Have you noticed that with the exception of Cody there are no desirable guys on our team."

"Cody?" Leshawna did a double take, "He's so... what about that Justin? . I mean, I think he's the one man who can handle ALL this."

"Really? I don't buy into pretty boys," Gwen flipped her hair, "They're too superficial, but that Trent's also not too bad looking, I just haven't gotten a chance to know him yet."

"Yeah, I suppose he's not too bad," Leshawa looked around, probably for Bass, "What do you think of that Duncan?"

"Let me guess, you think I should like him because he's a bad bo and because I'm a goth I am supposed to just fall for another person who wears black, right?"

"Kind of." Leshawna said bashfully.

_**TDI**_

"Uh... Chef?" Chris said from a wall of monitors inside the two hosts cabin.

"What?" Chef looked up from Guns and Jugs to make eye contact with the main host, "I'm kind of busy."

"Look at this storm front," Chris nervously pointed, "It's coming right at us!"

"So, we're inside."

"Yeah, I guess I am just over reacting."

_**TDI**_

"Huh," Courtney said looking at the clouds on the horizon.

"What?" Bridgette said as she, Lindsey, and DJ pulled themselves up to the ledge Courtney stood on.

"Look."

"So?" DJ said squinting in the direction of the clouds.

"There's a storm coming, I know storm clouds when I see them because I'm a CIT."

"But what does that mean to us?" Bridgette said, wrapping her arms around DJ.

"It means that we're probably going to get wet."

_**TDI**_

"Dude!" Geoff said pointing, "Look it's a shed!"

"So?" Trent said as he and Duncan stopped, panting after running away from Izzy.

"Maybe there are some supplies in there!"

"Maybe," Duncan said walking up to the shed, opening the doors his jaw dropped, "Guys..." The other two men of the trio walked up and looked in.

"Booyah!" Geoff exclaimed as he and Trent high fived.

_**TDI**_

Harold and Cody crouched down in the bushes and watched as Katie, Tyler, and Ezekiel walked towards the top of the mountain.

**Because I went to Trapper Steve's Trap building Camp, I am a master trap builder... so when those three started walking towards my trap I was pretty confident.**

"Dude," Harold said to Cody, "I'm pretty confident."

"I wonder where Gwen is right now."

"What?"

"I mean, I wonder... how your trap is going to do."

**So, I might have a slightly massive crush on Gwen. Cody shrugged, It's just that she's so pretty, I may have gotten a little distracted, but luckily nobody snuck up on us.**

"Hey Cody!"

"AAAAAHHHHH! SOMEBODY SNUCK UP ON US!" Cody leaped up and caused the three Bass to stop, but Katie stopped to fast and fell into the trap. As the net was pulled up Tyler tried to turn and run, but his foot got caught in the net and pulle dhim up as well.

"Relax, Cody," Gwen said as Leshawna and the goth stepped out of the trees, "I didn't realize you were so spastic."

"If by spastic you mean totally suave," Cody said runnin ghis hand through his hair, "Yes, yes I am."

Gwen smiled, and blushed ever so slightly.

"Come on you two," Leshawna said, "Home school skittered off into the woods, let's ge thim before he get's to our flag!"

_**TDI**_

Eva sat in the tree about twenty feet from the flag, "Where are those damn bass?"

"Look!" Lindsey said as her party walked into the area surrounding the flag, "And nothing bas has haaAAAAAHHHH!" Lindsey shrieked as she fell into a small pit.

"Look out!" Bridgette said as she leapt down, avoiding a swinging tree branch... which smacked DJ square in the face.

"Show yourself!" Courtney said, but there was no response, so she made a mad dash towards the rock and leapt over a small trench, and landed square on the rock. Making a quick change she leapt off the other side of the rock, rolled and stood up, looking back she laughed, but she didn't see Justin was standing at the tree line.

"Fancy seeing you here."

"JUSTIN!"

"Courtney, I don't really see why you're surprised, I am a gopher remember."

"Yeah, I remember," Courtney blushed as Justin's hands started moving around her, "What are..."

"Well, we finally have some alone time, no?" Justin smiled, "And that means we finally have some time for something I've wanted to do since I saw you," Justin took her and dipped her, planting a large kiss on her lips, "And it was worth the wait."

Courtney smiled, her face beat red, "I'll say."

And while Justin went in for another kiss, Eva dropped down and switched the flags back.

_**TDI**_

"Look" Duncan pointed as they passed Ezekiel and Katie.

"Hey guys, help us, eh?" Ezekiel pleaded, "They were in the trees man, in the trees!"

"We're kind of on a mission," Geoff said, "We found these wicked sweet paintball guns, bro!"

"Yup, we're going to go into the Gopher camp and pull a 'Wild Bunch'." Trent smiled and nodded.

"We'll be back!" Duncan laughed as the three walked off down the path.

**Duncan's an $$, eh?**

_**TDI**_

As Noah and Heather walked back into the Gopher camp carrying a box of paintball guns from the shed that they stumbled across, Eva jumped down from the trees.

"Anything to report?" Noah said opening the box and handing Eva one of the paint based rifles.

"Nothing except Courtney switched the flags," Heather and Noah looked at Eva angrily, "Relax, I've already switched it back."

"Well, where is SHE?" Heather said stamping her foot down.

"Pretty boy took her into the woods to make out with her," Eva examined the weapon, "Nice gun."

"Yeah, we found this shed about 30 meters from here, some one already took like three out but call the rest of the team back," Noah said, "It's 2:30 so I can guarantee the Bass will be visiting us shortly."

Eva grabbed the horn they had been given in their supplies and blowing on it signaled that the Gophers should return to base.

_**TDI**_

"Alright, it's 2:50 and there's the-" KRAKOOM! a loud clap of thunder sounded cutting Trent off. Immediately following rain began falling as if every drop of water in the world were falling on the island, "$#!%!" Trent yelled.

"$#!% again," Duncan pointed, "Look, all the Gophers except Justin found paintball guns and are standing around in their camp."

"Well, we've got 10 minutes," Geoff cocked his gun, "LET'S DO THIS!" The three leapt over the bush they had been hiding behind, soaked in rain. Lightning cracked and the Gophers began shooting madly, hitting the Bass, who had begun firing themselves, soon the gophers had falled in pain, rubbing the forming bruises as Duncan and Trent pulled themselves towards the flag. Closer and Closer until Eva got up and ran forward and tgrabbed Duncan, forcing him to abandon his mission and grapple with her, while Trent switched the flags.

"AND TIME!" Chris said walking out of the trees under and umbrella held by an intern, "Trent you've just won the challenge for your team, don't you feel special?"

"I feel wet and bruised, McLean," Trent said holding his arm gingerly.

"Well, now Chef will flip the rock and reveal you mighty prize," Chris looked around at over half of the contestants who laid on the ground in pain and soaking wet, "Chef?"

"I'm coming," Chef grabbed the rock and flipped it over.

"There... there's nothing there!" Duncan and Eva said in unison staring in anguish.

"Yes there is, look," Chris walked over and pointed to the bottom of the rock, "There's some writing right here."

"Does that say where the real treasure is?" Lindsey said from where she was trapped about 5 meters away.

"Nope, Trent," Chris smiled, "You're close enough to read it."

"Peace... on... earth?" Trent said, "Peace on EARTH?"

"WHAT?" Duncan got up on his knees, "We fought all day for three words?"

"Are you really going to argue that Peace on Earth isn't the greatest prize of all?"

"If I could feel my legs," Duncan said rubbing his knees, "I would put my foot so far up your-"

"And since the Bass won, that means the Gophers lost and I'll see them at 8 at the fire pit, tata for now!" Chris and Chef laughed as they walked off.

"NNNNNOOOOOO!" Duncan moaned as he threw his arms into the air.

_**TDI**_

"Well, Gophers... you're back in the fire pit, and thankfully the rain has stopped, but sadly you still have to send one of your number home. The votes are in and the writing is on the wall for one of you but it's not... Heather, Leshawna, Gwen, Cody," The two shared a smile, "Justin, Harold, Owen, and Noah," Heather smiled slightly, "Which leaves Izzy and Eva. Ones a psycho and the other is... also a , one psycho got more votes than the other psycho... so the safe psycho is... Izzy."

"WHAT?" Eva pat up and threw her log seat and threw it into the trees, "Screw you McLean, I hope you die."

"Yeah, so does my mother," Chris said as Eva stormed down the dock.

_And thus another episode of Total Drama Island ends, as the cmapers are getting to know each other better alliances are forming, and rivalries are forming. It seems like some people are falling into love though, and whenever there is love there's drama... LOTS of it. Are Justin and Courtney going to be a couple? Why were Heather and Noah walking around in the woods anyway? What the hell did the ending of 2001 mean? We'll answer some of those questions next time on Total. DRAMA. ! _


	5. Night on Wawanakwa

5.

"Look at them..." Geoff spat, "DJ with his muscular arms around Bridgette... and Bridgette or should I say... Bridgadette ARNOLD!"

"No," Noah said walking into the cabin tucking his shirt in, "You really shouldn't."

"Why do you have to be such a dick?" Geoff said turning away from the window, and the sight of DJ and Bridgette cuddling.

"I don't have to be, I choose to be."

"Well, why do you choose to be?"

"It's fun," Noah smiled as he pulled himself into his bed, "Anyone got a sports drink?"

"Nope," Duncan said from his spot on the floor where he was doing pushups, "Why would yo u need one, you can't have been doing anything... wait were you whacking off in the confessional?"

"No, I was doing it on your pillow," Noah said getting back out of bed and walking out the door, "Sleep tight."

There was a long pause between Geoff and Duncan, before Duncan leapt into his bed and grabbed his pillow, "HE'S FUCKING JOKING RIGHT?"

_**TDI**_

"Um... Gwen..." Cody said as he caught up to Gwen outside the mess hall, "C-c-can I talk to you?"

"Yeah, I was just snagging a glass of water before bed," Gwen smiled, "Want to join me?"

"Um... yeah, Why not?" Cody smiled and followed, "So that was some fire ceremony all of 7 minutes ago, huh?"

"I'm glad you explained that to me," Gwen smiled and jokingly rolled her eyes, "I mean..,. I was there, I know we JUST came fromt he campfire ceremony, you don't have to spoon feed it to me."

"Wha... I wasn't trying to insult your intellegence... I... I mean.."

"Relax," Gwen said putting her hand on Cody's chest, pausing because of the rapid increase in his heart beat, "I was just kidding around."

"Oh?" Cody sat down as he felt the blood rush from his head, he crossed his legs to hide where the blood was rushing, "Are you a 'kid around' kind of person... you don't really seem it?"

"I'm actually not," gwen grabbed a glass off the shelf and turned on the tap, "I mean when I feel comfortable around someone I've been told I can be funny... I mean my boyfriend used to tell me how funny I am."

"B-b..." Cody uncrossed his legs, no longer needing them crossed, "b-boyfriend?"

"Do you always stutter this much?" Gwen smiled, "And I should have said ex, ex boyfriend."

"Oh, so you're...?"

"Single," Gwen smiled and blushed slightly, "Yes, yes I am."

_**TDI**_

"So what's it like being a CIT?" Justin said as he took his face away from Courtney's.

"You know... I yell at the kids, tell scary stories, a lot of whistling... you know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and blow."

"I think I know how to do that," Justin smiled deviously.

_**TDI**_

Duncan held his lighter to the corner of the pillow outside the boys cabin.

"Dude, we didn't find anything, isn't this a tad drastic," Geoff asked as flame engulfed the pillow.

"No, man," Duncan grabbed a non burning corner and tossed it into one of the defunct fire pits in the camp, "It's not enough, I know he was joking but... I wouldn't sleep tonight if I had to use that pillow, and besides there are twelve beds and only 11 guys, I'll just take the pillow from that last bed."

"Hey guys," Trent angrily sat down in a huff.

"What's up with you, Guitar Man?" Duncan said, never looking away from the fire.

"Have you ever seen a girl you think is hot with a guy you think is way beneath her?"

"Nope," Duncan smiled, "Girls never resist me."

"Hardy har, and I'm sure the big guy in Juvie couldn't resist you either," Trent smiled as he reclined on the steps.

"Hardy har yourself asshole," Duncan smiled back.

"So what's with the fire?" Trent asked.

"Um..." Duncan stamped out the final embers, "It's a little too soon to talk about it."

_**TDI**_

"HEATHER!" Izzy said jumping from her bunk onto the back of the resident ice queen.

"What the hell do you want you psycho bitch?" Heather said, adjusting her clothes.

"Where've you been?" Leshawna asked from the only mirror in the cabin.

"I was taking in the sights."

"Sights?" Bridgette laughed, "So you and Duncan were making out in the woods?"

"Du-" Heather's eyes got wide as she remembered her and Duncan's little scheme, quickly recovering she finished, "I never uh... "kiss" and tell," Heather smiled and raised a brow.

"Oh now girl you HAVE to spill," Leshawna sat down on her bed, "How big is he?"

Heather slowed as she sat down realizing she was going ot have to lie like she's never lied before.

_**TDI**_

"Ugh, Ezekiel..." Harold said pulling a comic book out of his bag, "How come everyone here is borderline insane?"

"Don't know... probably all that public education, eh?"

"No," Harold put down the Captain Alberta issue and scratched his chin, "Because I'm a public schooler and I'm sane, it must be something... deeper than that." Harold turned at looked at Ezekiel, knuckle deep up his nose, "Yeah... it's definitely more than just home vs. public schooling."

"Have you considered the very real possibility you're all just retarded?"

"Hey, that's an offensive term!" Tyler said from his bunk, looking away from a magazine.

"I know..." Noah chuckled, "That's why I used it."

"Wait," Geoff looked around from his bed at the other end of the cabin, "Are all the guys here?"

"Um... everyone except Justin," Tyler said.

"Yup," DJ looked out his window to watch Bridgette walk into the girls cabin for the night, "Why you want to know?"

"Well, No guys have been voted off so I think we need to do something very serious... we need a fuck list."

"A... fuck list?" Ezekiel looked around confused, "What's a fuck list?"

"We need to rank the girls from hottest to ugliest, including Beth, Sadie, and whoever you just voted off." Geoff turned to the Gophers.

"Hey guys," Justin said as he walked in, clothes a mess "What'd I miss?"

"What didn't you miss?" Trent asked as he tuned his guitar.

"What? Oh this... yeah I got called out at second." Justin kicked off his sandals and crawled into his bed, "I mean, I just wanted to take her sweater off..."

"Pssh," Duncan smirked, "That makes one of us."

_**TDI**_

"Heather... help me get REVENGE!" Katie said as she smacked her hand on the wall next to Heather's bunk.

"Why would I help you?" Heather glared, "I don't know you, we're not on the same team, and *sniffsniff* you smell like Duncan's gross sweaty under arms."

"Ah, smart play off our alliance, I like it... we'll meet behind the latreen tomorrow after the challenge, until then... continue to act like you don't like me." Katie looked both ways and walked off.

"BUT I DON'T LIKE YOU!"

"Wow... you're really good at acting." Katie gave Heather a thumbs up, as the latter's face was quickly thrust into her palms.

_**TDI**_

"Seriously, Izzy over Lindsey?" Noah looked with disbelieveing eyes at Owen.

"I don't know she's got... got..."

"Schizophrenia?" Noah laughed.

"I'd have to say Heather," Duncan choked, "Is the hottest, I mean... I am so in..."

"Yeah," Geoff knodded and scribbled her name down, "Heather is pretty hot, any objections to her being numero uno? Owen, your objection doesn't count. Izzy is not top 5 material."

"Well, Bridgette's got to be number 2." DJ said, "I bet Geoff is with me on that one."

Geoff glared and wrote the name down.

"Courtney at 3?" Justin said.

"No," Duncan laughed, "She's less top 5 material than,., Chef."

"Ouch," Tren smirked.

"What about Leshawna?" Harold smiled, "I like how she's got booty out to the yukon."

_**TDI**_

"Is Justin as _good_ as he looks?" Leshawna asked.

"What?" Courtney looked up from her journal, "Oh.. um, well... all we did was kiss."

"Girl, you have more will power than me," Leshawna closed her eyes and let her imagination run wild.

"I suppose so..." Courtney looked out the window and into the boys cabin, right at Duncan, who caught her gaze and responded with an overly theatrical wink.

_**TDI**_

"Who you staring at?" Tyler said to Duncan.

"Courtney was totally checking me out," Duncan laughed, "Poor Courtney, good girls always want a bad boy."

"HEY!" Chef said kicking the door in, "I thought we told you punks lights were to be fucking out!"

"Actually," Ezekiel stupidly spoke up, "you never said that we needed to turn the lights out, eh?"

"Oh.. I didn't..." Chef turned and walked out, silence ruled the cabin for a few seconds before returning, "Guys, I can't believe I forgot to say this the first time... LIGHTS SHOULD BE FUCKING OUT!"

"We'll have to finish the list later... I guess," Geoff shrugged.


	6. Beach Blanket Relay

_**Hey guys, so I realized ex post I was a dumb ass I credited dialogue in the last chapter to **_Katie_** and not **_Sadie._** As you all know **_Katie_** was eliminated with **_Sadie_** promising revenge. I do apologize for that error and I'll try to avoid it in the future.**_

6.

_LAST TIME on Total Drama Island, _Billy Jack _was on TV and Me and Chef decided to base a challenge around that (yeah that's how we make challenges!) and we got one of the most intense capture the flag games since... well, there was this one time at summer camp when I was a boy and the other team was-I'm getting off topic. Anyways, so the Bass and Gophers battled for most of the afternoon, but in the end it was the Bass again and the Gophers sent Eva home, feeling she hasn't lived up to her tough girl image. Will the Bass win back to back challenges? Or will the Gophers dig themselves out of the hole their in? Ha, get it? Find out today on Total. DRAMA. IIIISSSSSSLLLLLAAAAAANNNNDDDD!_

_**TDI**_

"Morning Princess," Duncan said as he grabbed a coffee mug off the table.

"Morning," Courtney began before stopping, "What did you just call me?"

"Princess," Duncan smiled, "Because you're so Princess like."

**Even if I wasn't with Justin... I wouldn't date Duncan. **Courtney fumed, **Not ever. **

"Duncan," Justin walked over and put his arm around Courtney, "Are you making time with my girl?"

"Who even talks like that, bro?" Geoff said grabbing a mug and filling it.

"Apparently, meat head does," Noah grabbed his mug as the line moved along, "Shocking I know."

"Maybe love has given his heart a pen with which to write the poetry of his soul?" Courtney smiled before kissing Justin.

"I doubt it," Tyler angrily grabbed a tray and a glass of Orange Juice.

"What's wrong with you?" DJ said grabbing two trays.

"Hungry?" Gwen looked down at DJ's full hands.

"Naw, Bridge is still tired so I'm getting her a tray.

"You well meaning Bastard," Geoff growled.

"Nothing's wrong," Tyler looked up the line.

"Bi-iin-go, Beach Blanket-" Chris hummed as he walked into the mess hall, "Good morning campers."

"Mahnug," Ezekiel said as through two handfulls of bacon.

"What did he say?" Sadie looked at him. **See, normally I would have Katie translate... but... OOOHHHH KAAAAAA-TIIIIIEEEEEE! WHY DID YOU GET voted off? WWWWWHHHHHYYYYY!**

"I think he said 'Morning'," Trent buttered his toast, not removing his eyes from Gwen, "Right Home School?"

"Yaws" Ezekiel said, mouth still as full.

"Moving on," Chris glared as the last cast members took their seats, "I had another moment of Cinema Intervention and as such I have devised a relay race of amazing epicness... all devoted to one of the most underrated movies of all time... Beach Blanket Bingo!"

"Sounds like a porno," Heather rolled her eyes.

"No, your thinking of Beach Blanket B-J," Chris smiled, "Meet me at the dock at 10:00 sharp, giving you 20 more minutes of breakfast," Chris turned and left the building, "And come in your swim suits."

_**TDI**_

"Nice speedo, Justin," Duncan laughed as Justin walked up.

"It's raging in Dubai," Justin posed... stopping all the girls and strangely Owen.

"Maybe it should stay there," Trent laughed.

"Yeah, it..." duncan stopped and stared at Courtney who walked down the dock... bikini showing a shapely form, "Princess... you're dressed like a common wench!"

"Blow it out your ass," Courtney shot Duncan a death glare.

"Dude..." Geoff scanned Courtney, "I think somebody is about to jump up the list."

"Agreed," DJ nodded slowly, forcing Bridgette to slap both boys.

**So I get why she slapped DJ... but me? Does Bridge still care about me? **

"Do you still care about me?" Geoff blurted out.

"What?" DJ and Bridgette said in unison, but their question wasn't answered because both teams were distracted by the duct tape bound plane that landed at the end of the dock.

"Greetings Bros and She-Bros," Chris said stepping out of the plane, "For those of you that haven't seen the movie... so all of you," Chris said scanning the blank faces, "One of the earliest scenes involves Sugar Kane, renowned singer jumping out of a plane and being rescued by some of the local surfers. As such here's leg one of the challenge. Each team must send a girl forward." Courtney and Heather stepped forward, "Here's the Bass flag, and here's the Gopher flag. The two of you will be flown up and you'll jump out and try to get in the floating targets out in the bay. If you land in the target your team will get 60 seconds taken off your finishing time, outside and two minutes get added. From there a duo will take the two surf boards for each team and paddle out and retrieve you bringing you to the shore where we'll have the next leg set up. Chef, take our lovely "Sugars" for a lap around the island while I get the second step set up."

"Roger." Chef said as Heather and Courtney got in the plane.

"I thought his name was Chris?" Lindsay looked around.

"Me too," Owen shrugged.

"Teams, pick two surfers," Chris stepped back as Bridgette, Trent, Cody, and Izzy walked over to the surf boards, "Perfect, now you'll see some atv's, dirt bikes, etc. over there. When the surfers bring the flag to you remaining people you'll embark on a ground race to find the spot where I'll be waiting for you," Chris climbed onto an ATV, "GOOD LUCK!" Chris sped off into the woods.

_**TDI **_

"Why did I agree to do this?" Courtney yelled out the plane door.

"$1 Million?" Heather said back, "That's why I'm doing it."

"Oh yeah," Courtney smiled.

"Are you ladies having a nice talk?" Chef barked out, "Because it's time to end that $#&%!" Chef jerked the controls forcing Courtney and Heather out of the plane and falling towards the water.

_**TDI**_

"Look!" Owen pointed, "Up in the sky!"

"It's a bird!" Ezekiel said as he glanced upwards.

"It's a plane!" Lindsey said.

"Yes and no," Noah said, "There is a gull there and a plane there... but I believe the rotund one spoke of Courtney and Heather falling to their deaths."

"Is this when we paddle out?" Trent turned and looked at Bridgette, but she was already out in the water, "So... yes?"

"Grab your board!" Izzy screamed as she dove into the water.

"Izzy, but you didn't even grab yours!" Cody began to paddle into the water.

_**TDI**_

Courtney pulled the release string on her parachute and began to drift towards her circle. **So I felt pretty confident. Although I've never worked a parachute before... I am a CIT and as such I am a master of all out door activities.**

Heather, on the other hand lacked the composure of the CIT, "!" **!**But, through the screams, Heather was able to tug the release chord enough for her chute to pop out, allowing her to glide into the target in the water... while Courtney landed just outside the ring, hitting her head slightly on the side of the ring.

**So I missed the target, no one saw... right?**

"Courtney? You alright?" Courtney bobbed out of the water as Trent and Bridgette grabbed her arms.

"Duncan?" Courtney whispered.

**So I told myself I wouldn't tell anyone...** Bridgette said**, And I told Trent not to tell any of the guys.** "If you so much as tell Duncan I will personally castrate you."

"I thought you were a pacifist?" Trent said as he placed Courtney on his board and started paddling in.

"I am, but you guys have been kind of cruel to her about the whole Duncan thing."

"Well, Does she actually like him?"

"What? NO! Who could like that thug?"

_**TDI**_

"So... how's it feel?" Duncan asked Justin,

"How does what feel?"

"How's it feel knowing your girl wants me?"

"Trust me, she doesn't want you... not even a little."

"Keep telling yourself that," Duncan said running down to the shore to grab the flag from Courtney who was gaining lucidity, "Thanks Princess."

"You're welcome, Prince..." Courtney smiled a little, her eyes still closed.

Duncan winked at Justin as he held the flag up and bolted toward the vehicles.

"TO THE AUTOMOCARS!" Geoff yelled leaping onto a dirt bike and revving the engine.

"Guys, take the flag!" Cody yelled as his board hit the shore "GO!"

"I've got it!" Justin ran to one of the ATV's and sat on it.

"BOOYAH!" Owen got onto a three wheeler and revved it up, "I AM STOKED!" **So... I may have gotten a little excited, but I like to think my enthusiasm is beloved.**

**Owen is a &!#ing nut.** Heather spat.

_**TDI**_

"We've been looking for twenty minutes!" Tyler yelled up to Geoff who drove the lead ATV, "We're lost!"

"How? We can walk around the island in like an hour!"

"LOOK OUT!" Duncan ducked missing a log that came dropping out of a tree.

**Okay, the lawyers told me to say that they were only rubber logs and could not have seriously hurt the campers... yadda yadda yadda.**

_**TDI**_

"This is so _Jedi_!" Harold yelled dodging a branch, "I love it!"

"Yeah, I'll love it even more when we win!" Noah said from one of the side cars.

"How do I stop this thing?" Gwen panicked as her bike went over a small cliff, dropping her in the river. **If there's one thing I hate worse than being in sunlight it's being wet... and as you could see I was wet... in the sunlight... I hate this show.**

"Are you okay?" Trent said stopping his bike.

"Huh? Oh... yeah, just a little wet," Gwen stood up, shirt clinging to her form, "I should be alright."

"Because... I... because... I..." **I think I handled it pretty well, I'm sure Gwen was impressed with my composure.**

**So Trent may seem all cool and charming, but he's really shy I learned... and that's pretty cute.**

"Gwen!" Cody came running up, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, Cody," Trent looked at him, "She is."

"Let's get out of here..." Cody helped Gwen back on her bike, "I don't like all these Bass hanging around."

"Are you trying to start something, gopher?" Trent stepped forward.

"Just like men," Gwen revved her bike, "Thinking muscles can prove affection." Gwen sped off, leaving Trent and Cody standing on the banks of the river.

_**TDI**_

"Bridgette?" Courtney asked as she sat up on the beach, "Did I get knocked out?"

"Yeah," Bridgette smiled as she continued to draw in the sand, "But... you did speak a little."

"What did I say?" Courtney laughed a little, but her jovial nature vanished as Bridgette blushed, "What did I say?"

"You... may... you may have called Duncan 'Prince'" **Why couldn't that blow to the head have killed me? Also, for the record I do not like or even tolerate that scruffy looking barbarian. If anyone even sees us holding hands in a dream... they'd better wake up and apologize to me.**

"Courtney," Bridgette pulled herself next tot he CIT, desperately trying to hide her face in her hands, "When I hosted Aftermath they tried to pair me up with every young male celebrity that came to the set. But I myself always knew it was Geoff and I know it'll always be Geoff. It doesn't matter what anyone's saying, they can't make you like someone."

"Did you say it'll always be Geoff?"

"What" Bridgette turned as red as her surfboard, "I... what I meant to say was..."

"Don't worry, your secrets safe with me."

_**TDI**_

"Look!" Noah pointed driving his atv toward a fire pit shoddily made on the top of the mountain.

"About time you found me," Chris said putting his Game-boy down, "Although I did set a new high score on One for the Flipper: The Video Game! Available in stores this holiday season" Chris turned and smiled into the camera, "Too bad for you DJ showed up a minute ago," Chris raised a stop watch as the rest of the two teams showed up.

"Where's Bridgette?" Geoff looked around anxiously.

"At the beach helping Nurse Hatchet with Courtney," Chris giggled, "Nurse Hatchet..."

_**TDI**_

"Now I'm glad you're making sure I'm alright... but is the American Civil War nurses uniform needed?" Courtney looked at the skirt clad Chef turned nurse.

"Yes."

_**TDI**_

"So... Here are your times Gophers: 2 Hours 24 minutes 38 seconds. Bass you got here a minute earlier at 2 Hours 23 minutes 54 seconds," The Bass cheered, "What's with the cheering? This challenge isn't over yet. For anyone who has seen the classic picture that this relay was based upon knows that no day at the beach is complete without... DANCING!" Chris motioned as an intern rushed out a boom box and began playing Dick Dale and His Del Tones' greatest hits.

"Ezekiel... and Sadie!" Chris pointed, "Begin dancing... you'll be graded on your performances."

_**TDI**_

"Wow... that was some of the worst dancing I've ever seen. I don't even know if I can call that dancing," Chris buried his face in his hands, "You both disgust me!"

"You should have picked me," Leshawna boasted, "I've got more moves that a jello mold."

"And more rolls than than a hundred old style cameras," Noah sneered.

"Shut up you creepy little freak!" Leshawna turned around and slapped Noah.

"No need for violence."

"And no need for anymore of that horrid spazing," Chris said, "Alright... Gophers... you get one minute taken off your time for your 1/10 dance bringing your new time to 2 Hours 23 Minutes 38 seconds as a final. Bass... because you also had a 1/10 performance you also get a minute taken off-" The Bass began cheering, "Seriously guys, wait until after I announce your final score before you cheer... because you'll remember that Courtney landed _OUT_side of her target, meaning you get two minutes added... meaning the GOPHERS pulled off a Beach Blanket Victory!" With this announcement the Gophers quickly began cheering, "Bass I'll see you at the REAL fire pit at Sundown in about an hour, Gophers you're all safe... for now."

_**TDI**_

Duncan walked into the mess hall where Geoff, Trent, Bridgette, and DJ sat.

"Why did you want us here, bro?" Geoff asked the punk as he sat down.

"I'm telling you how to vote..."

_**TDI**_

"Here we are Bass, round two for you here in the pit of no return," Chris raised the hand full of ballots, "In my hand are 10 ballots, but on the tray are only 9 marshmallows... everybody except Lindsey knows those don't match up. I could continue to talk to build suspense... but I won't. I will say One for the Flipper comes out on Special Editions DVD and Blu-Ray later this year, go to .com for more info. That being said Bridgette, DJ, Geoff, and Lindesy... you're all safe. Duncan, Tyler, Trent, and Sadie... also safe. Courtney... Ezekiel... neither of you are safe... but one of you will be... when I stop stalling... and read the name off the card in front of me... see I don't memorize the vote getters... I'm too famous... so I have-"

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND THROW THE $#%ING MARSHMALLOW ALREADY?" Courtney screamed.

"Well... someone doesn't appreciate good suspense, Courtney you're in, Z you're out. Now if you'll excuse me I have stuff to do!" Chris walked out of the ring of light.

"Wait... what now?" Ezekiel moaned.

"This!" Chef said grabbing the small hick and tossing him onto the boat of losers.

_**TDI**_

Courtney sat alone on her stump as everyone filed out of the fire pit and back to their cabins.

"What's the matter, Sweetheart?" Duncan said as he sat down next to her.

"I shouldn't be here," the prep sighed, "I cost us the challenge."

"You're only human," Duncan smirked, "I mean, even I have made a mistake before... just the one though."

Courtney laughed, "So how hard did Bridgette have to work to rally the troops?"

"What?"

"Well, I don't think anyone on our team would try and fight to keep me..." Courtney's shoulder's drooped.

"Don't... don't sell yourself short," Duncan said lifting Courtney's face up to make eye contact, "you aren't all bad."

Chef stopped as he made his way back down the dock, "Shouldn't you guys be in bed?"

"Probably," Courtney said standing up, "Thanks Duncan... you made me feel better."

"How much did it hurt you to say that?"

"Quite a bit," Courtney smiled as the two walked off toward their cabins.

_**TDI**_

_And so ends another chapter of Total Drama Island. We got some laughs and some esoteric references... a pretty good day if you ask me. But more importantly we got some interesting scenes that may set up some... total drama? Now you won't know for sure though unless you come back to the next Total. DRAMA. !_


End file.
